Let Sisterly Love Continue... Right?

Too many events for words! I sang backup tonight for my uncle and a couple of other performers at The Foundry in Los Angeles, and man was the music and the other vocalists bomb! Eric Parker put on this amazing show, and of course he and his band were awesome! It was a long night, and I didn't eat dinner, so I was hungry. We were supposed to eat afterward, but because of our lack of funds, we couldn't go to our favorite spot. So as we go back and forth on what the plan is, I'm not only starving, but freezing my appendages off!

With nerve damage, my feet are super sensitive to the cold, and my hands are going numb. These two sensations aren't the best feelings in the world, so I'm getting a little peeved! I'm just trying to save face because we're in public, and the night was too musically perfect for me to mess it up with a bad attitude! So I try to joke about it, which inspired more jokes from the people I was trying to give my not-so-subtle hint to.

The jokes I didn't mind so much... it was the fact that my joke wasn't taken as a hint, and if it was, then it was shrugged off as unimportant. You know that by this time I was fighting off anger! Gee Whiz!! Why is it always the people who should know better that don't take any responsibility for anyone else? The same people who want me to stay healthy don't take a proactive approach when I have to depend on them. This is why I try my best to never ask them for anything; they aren't dependable.

I know people assume I'm just an angry person for no reason, but I stay negative because the people around me are static characters in my life's story. They're supposed to be dynamic, but they aren't!

So what are your thoughts on this subject? By the way, I tried my best to not make a big deal about the whole situation, but now I'm paying the price for being in the cold for so long...I'm in a lot of pain and it could have been prevented. what am I supposed to do in a situation where I'm at the mercy of the driver? I spoke up, and yet I received no response that benefited my needs, AND WE STILL DIDN'T EAT!! (I declined eating after the incident because I was in pain, and knew that I was getting more moody!) Mind you that we're talking about an event that happened in 40 degree weather at midnight!

Sticks and Stones...

At first look, I come off as assertive, aggressive, and yes maybe a little arrogant.  I will not deny that at times I can be those very things, but I believe that the people that really know me will say that my persona isn't that simple.

I'm a complex individual. And even though I don't study Astrology, I have many traits that comes with the Gemini sign (June 6 is my birthday).  Sensitive is one of those traits.

I try my best to lead a life where I don't need the approval of others, nor do I need assurance for whatever it is that I'm about to do.  I try to rely on my instincts and God in order to make a better life for myself.  That's not always possible when you have a very opinionated environment around you.  The opinions of others, and their charismatic, and often pushy way of dealing with people can cause you to stray away from your own beliefs, and depending on the topic, can even deplete your confidence in not only your actions, but yourself.


I would go into more detail... but I'm too far spent, so that's all for now.

You can't keep me down... or can you?

Have you ever clicked a bad link on the computer, and it made your computer freeze on you.  So you try to kill the link by repeatedly clicking the "x" or close?  Then after a few tries, you get multiple error notices???  I think that's where my life is right now.

It's like sitting on a seesaw for hours at a time, the only difference is you can't get off this ride.  I'm trying to stay positive during a period in my life where nothing seems to go right, and the choices I make turns out to be a very bad one!!  I can't even help but laugh, because it's like I have the Anti-Midas Touch, because everything I touch turns to crap!!!

I'm trying to make better choices and healthier decisions, it just seems to not be coming together the way I thought it would. 

Trying to stay healthy, positive and sane can really put a toll on you! My biggest worry at the moment is finances.  Whoever said "money makes the world go 'round" wasn't kidding!  I already have money spent from a check that doesn't even exist yet! 


This latest development in my life has given me a new shirt idea...

I'll be sure to post the sketch of it later on tonight!!!


~Syx

To speak, or not to speak...

Today has been a relatively good day.  I mean, having Diabetic Neuropathy can be a pain sometimes, because you can't judge when nerve pain will strike, but other than that, a good day. But I come to find out that some people can bring the best (or worst) out in you.  My biggest issue is my sadistic sense of  humor.  I am probably the most sarcastic person I know, and I tend to be much worse considering who my audience is.

The person who brings this trait to fruition most often is the sister closest to my age. She is 3 years younger, and she has the gift of gab, which means she out talks me.  I, other hand, am a thinker first, talker second, so by the time I process a thought, she's already talked over me, which can be very frustrating as you can imagine. 

So since she out talks me, I have premeditated sarcasm stored for her in the event she pisses me off!! Now, as I've stated in my previous blog, I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and learn self-control.  But it's not easy, since I've spent the last 10+ years storing sarcasm! 

In order to stop myself from going into the same old routine, I try not to speak when I feel the urge to blurt something sarcastic and unnecessary.  Someone told me that the circumstances are not the things that change, but your outlook and attitude.  How true is that, anyway?  Will my transformation change the response of the second person?  What if  they don't realize what you're trying to accomplish?  I'm not trying to be the bigger person, I'm trying to be a better me...

Although communicating my goals should be my objective, I feel that if I slip up then it could be held against me, and I might retaliate... kind of like the way a person goes "gong-ho" on a diet, but they slip up on Thanksgiving, and they have a relapse, and their eating habits are worse than what they were before.

I know, I know: think positive!!  Instead of expecting the worst, I myself will open the lines of communication.

First way: writing a blog!!! lol

~Syx~

Definition of a Dot x3...

In the English dictionary the 3 dots are known as an ellipsis. It is used to take place of an omitted word or phrase.  Even though that is the main way to use these dots, it's not the only way. Nowadays it's used to indicate sarcasm, or when there's no words that would properly describe a thought or emotion.  That is the purpose that it's being used for here.

Often times I find myself not being able to find the right things to say at the proper moments, which could cause a conversation to turn for the worst if they don't understand your meaning or motive behind what you say.  So instead of saying anything at all, I find it easier to replace my train of thought with a set of ellipsis, or dot-dot-dot, to spare feelings or save myself from causing irreparable damage in my relationship with others.

Please understand that this is not always easy for me, especially since I've grown accustomed to saying what's on my mind, no matter what the consequence is. However me speaking my mind at all times is due to my lack of self-restraint, and I want to work on that.

So, please join me and my comrades on this journey of self-discovery, as we write as often as we can on the trials of our daily lives, and other topics that come to mind!

~Nina aka "Syx" (pronounced "6")