About 5 days ago, I went to the beach. We went to the Santa Monica Pier with my mother-in-law and Joe's step-dad. It was my second time in the beach water with Joe, and we had a lot of fun! I wasn't sure that he knew I could swim and he definitely didn't know I like to boogie board. He's pretty good himself.
At the beach I got to thinking about the trip I really want to take... Hawaii.
Joe has not left the Los Angeles County in his whole life. I want to make his first trip out of California memorable.
Is this what marriage is all about? Wanting to fulfill the dreams and aspirations of your spouse? Because that seems to be the only thing I want to do as of late. I'm not even sure if it's a selfless act, because his happiness makes me happy. Is love purely selfless? I would like to think so, because in a way, you are putting someone else and their well-being in front of yourself. Well, maybe not in "front" but really close.
I've always been one to see other people happy, but this is different; more intense. Our birthdays are about 11 days apart, and our biggest "argument" during that time is what we're allowed to spend on each other for our birthdays. Yes, it's a weird argument, but the discussion turns into an argument every time. We are so hellbent on doing something for the other, we tend to look over our own birthdays. Eventually it turns into a competition about who came up with the most thoughtful birthday gift for the other!
Marriage is such a balance of give and take, love and sacrifice, that it can get to be confusing, because in the process of you trying to make someone happy, you can neglect your own needs. Joe thinks that I put myself on the back burner in order to take care of him... I don't know if that's true, but I try really hard not to.
So my question is: Is love really a selfless act?
Until next time,
~Syx
Dear Jillian,
I don't know what's in the water these days, but everyone is having a kid! It's frustrating for me, because I never knew how bad I wanted one, until you were a possibility. Joe keeps telling me that it's not our time yet, and to be patient... but you have no idea how bad I am when it comes down to having patience. It feels like I'm waiting forever for something that should have just happened. I know that's why everyone assumed I got married for... I don't know, I just wish I was healthy enough to make having a kid a possibility. Although I have to admit that after talking with my mother-in-law, I got a little freaked out because pregnancy can be scary if you're not prepared for it. I don't know if I could ever be ready for that kind of change, but I would be willing to try; especially for Joe. He really wants to have a family of his own, and I want to give him that. Who knows what the future holds, right? I really wish you were here to fulfill that dream, but I guess I'll just keep dreaming until it's my time...
~Mommy
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Thursday, July 11, 2013
So Ambitious...
Ambition. Success. What do you use to measure those attributes?
The definition of ambition is a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work. Desire and determination to achieve success.
I realize that I'm not ambitious because I lack drive and motivation. It sucks really, because I have a lot of ideas, and I'm not making moves to achieve them.
For example, I've been sitting on this t-shirt idea for the last 4 years, and I still haven't produced one; even as a prototype.
I don't know why I lack drive. It seems like the last 3 years, I've been so focused on what's around me, that I haven't really taken the time to do anything with my life. It takes so much effort for me to do even the simplest of tasks.
Joe is always telling me to at least try at something. I honestly haven't been trying, but all that changes today.
To start off my day, I walked to the park this morning and exercised on the public equipment for 30 minutes! When I got home I took a nap...
Yeah, there was promise when I started, but it ended in a nap! lol
I would love to know what motivates others to do the exceptional...
Tomorrow I will go back to the park and exercise again. I want to keep at it until it becomes a routine, then I want to add other things to my day; like a music project, or cleaning up some of the video projects I have been sitting on for awhile.
I want to continue to enrich my life, to keep it from being so mundane... I just have trouble starting.
Well, that's all I have for you today...
Until next time.
~Syx
Dear Jillian
Joe told me he had a dream about having twins. I don't know if twins run on my side of the family, but it does on his. One of the projects I want to perfect is the song I did for you... it's just that it's so hard to bring myself to sing it again. I haven't touched my keyboard, and not singing the way I want to is starting to drive me crazy. Music is apart of me, and I'm missing out on being myself again. Moving forward is so much harder than I could have imagined, but I know I have to. I'm wondering what kind of toll this is taking on Joe as much as myself. You would have been such an intricate part of our lives, and we would have loved and cherished every minute with you. You would have been perfect.
-Mommy
The definition of ambition is a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work. Desire and determination to achieve success.
I realize that I'm not ambitious because I lack drive and motivation. It sucks really, because I have a lot of ideas, and I'm not making moves to achieve them.
For example, I've been sitting on this t-shirt idea for the last 4 years, and I still haven't produced one; even as a prototype.
I don't know why I lack drive. It seems like the last 3 years, I've been so focused on what's around me, that I haven't really taken the time to do anything with my life. It takes so much effort for me to do even the simplest of tasks.
Joe is always telling me to at least try at something. I honestly haven't been trying, but all that changes today.
To start off my day, I walked to the park this morning and exercised on the public equipment for 30 minutes! When I got home I took a nap...
Yeah, there was promise when I started, but it ended in a nap! lol
I would love to know what motivates others to do the exceptional...
Tomorrow I will go back to the park and exercise again. I want to keep at it until it becomes a routine, then I want to add other things to my day; like a music project, or cleaning up some of the video projects I have been sitting on for awhile.
I want to continue to enrich my life, to keep it from being so mundane... I just have trouble starting.
Well, that's all I have for you today...
Until next time.
~Syx
Dear Jillian
Joe told me he had a dream about having twins. I don't know if twins run on my side of the family, but it does on his. One of the projects I want to perfect is the song I did for you... it's just that it's so hard to bring myself to sing it again. I haven't touched my keyboard, and not singing the way I want to is starting to drive me crazy. Music is apart of me, and I'm missing out on being myself again. Moving forward is so much harder than I could have imagined, but I know I have to. I'm wondering what kind of toll this is taking on Joe as much as myself. You would have been such an intricate part of our lives, and we would have loved and cherished every minute with you. You would have been perfect.
-Mommy
Monday, July 8, 2013
Previously on Dot dOt doT...
...I'm back...
Yeah, I know, I've been gone for an unforgivable amount of time this time; but I have things to write about now!
So, where do I begin?
I think that the best way to start this off, is to announce that I'm finally married!!!!
For over a year now... We got married January 29, 2012, and boy has it been an interesting year and a half! Here are some of the topics that we went through:
-SSI
-Jobs
-Friends
-Guns
-Smoking
-Fights
-Drinking
-Smoking
-Babies!
-House Hunting
-Motels
-Marital issues
and much more!
I realize that it's almost been 3 years, but there was a lot of growing up for me to do, and still a lot left... but I feel that I've matured enough to at least write about what I learned, and hopefully share a few moments of wisdom, laughter, joy, tears, and insight on a slightly charmed, always blessed, mostly truthful Gemini mind.
I also want to start sharing shirt ideas with you! And who knows, maybe a few other creative things. I don't want to limit myself to one area; I'm willing to try it all!
"Normalcy, complacency, and simplicity is for people who can't imagine anything better." -Joseph Urciaga
Dear Jillian,
This is my first attempt at writing to you. It's hard to know that you won't ever be able to read this, but this is my version of therapy. I thought of you today. I didn't know if I felt sad or lost, but it kind of put me in a trance. I wonder what it would be like if you were here. How would my mornings go? How would I entertain you? How much would my life change because you were in it? As much as it makes me sad to think of you, it also gives me peace. Now if only it would give me direction... I love you.
-Mommy
Yeah, I know, I've been gone for an unforgivable amount of time this time; but I have things to write about now!
So, where do I begin?
I think that the best way to start this off, is to announce that I'm finally married!!!!
For over a year now... We got married January 29, 2012, and boy has it been an interesting year and a half! Here are some of the topics that we went through:
-SSI
-Jobs
-Friends
-Guns
-Smoking
-Fights
-Drinking
-Smoking
-Babies!
-House Hunting
-Motels
-Marital issues
and much more!
I realize that it's almost been 3 years, but there was a lot of growing up for me to do, and still a lot left... but I feel that I've matured enough to at least write about what I learned, and hopefully share a few moments of wisdom, laughter, joy, tears, and insight on a slightly charmed, always blessed, mostly truthful Gemini mind.
I also want to start sharing shirt ideas with you! And who knows, maybe a few other creative things. I don't want to limit myself to one area; I'm willing to try it all!
"Normalcy, complacency, and simplicity is for people who can't imagine anything better." -Joseph Urciaga
Dear Jillian,
This is my first attempt at writing to you. It's hard to know that you won't ever be able to read this, but this is my version of therapy. I thought of you today. I didn't know if I felt sad or lost, but it kind of put me in a trance. I wonder what it would be like if you were here. How would my mornings go? How would I entertain you? How much would my life change because you were in it? As much as it makes me sad to think of you, it also gives me peace. Now if only it would give me direction... I love you.
-Mommy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
