Love is...

About 5 days ago, I went to the beach. We went to the Santa Monica Pier with my mother-in-law and Joe's step-dad. It was my second time in the beach water with Joe, and we had a lot of fun! I wasn't sure that he knew I could swim and he definitely didn't know I like to boogie board. He's pretty good himself.

At the beach I got to thinking about the trip I really want to take... Hawaii.

Joe has not left the Los Angeles County in his whole life. I want to make his first trip out of California memorable.
Is this what marriage is all about? Wanting to fulfill the dreams and aspirations of your spouse? Because that seems to be the only thing I want to do as of late. I'm not even sure if it's a selfless act, because his happiness makes me happy. Is love purely selfless?  I would like to think so, because in a way, you are putting someone else and their well-being in front of yourself. Well, maybe not in "front" but really close.

I've always been one to see other people happy, but this is different; more intense. Our birthdays are about 11 days apart, and our biggest "argument" during that time is what we're allowed to spend on each other for our birthdays. Yes, it's a weird argument, but the discussion turns into an argument every time.  We are so hellbent on doing something for the other, we tend to look over our own birthdays. Eventually it turns into a competition about who came up with the most thoughtful birthday gift for the other!

Marriage is such a balance of give and take, love and sacrifice, that it can get to be confusing, because in the process of you trying to make someone happy, you can neglect your own needs. Joe thinks that I put myself on the back burner in order to take care of  him...  I don't know if that's true, but I try really hard not to.

So my question is: Is love really a selfless act?

Until next time,

~Syx


Dear Jillian,
I don't know what's in the water these days, but everyone is having a kid! It's frustrating for me, because I never knew how bad I wanted one, until you were a possibility. Joe keeps telling me that it's not our time yet, and to be patient... but you have no idea how bad I am when it comes down to having patience. It feels like I'm waiting forever for something that should have just happened. I know that's why everyone assumed I got married for...  I don't know, I just wish I was healthy enough to make having a kid a possibility. Although I have to admit that after talking with my mother-in-law, I got a little freaked out because pregnancy can be scary if you're not prepared for it. I don't know if I could ever be ready for that kind of change, but I would be willing to try; especially for Joe. He really wants to have a family of his own, and I want to give him that. Who knows what the future holds, right? I really wish you were here to fulfill that dream, but I guess I'll just keep dreaming until it's my time...

~Mommy