About 5 days ago, I went to the beach. We went to the Santa Monica Pier with my mother-in-law and Joe's step-dad. It was my second time in the beach water with Joe, and we had a lot of fun! I wasn't sure that he knew I could swim and he definitely didn't know I like to boogie board. He's pretty good himself.
At the beach I got to thinking about the trip I really want to take... Hawaii.
Joe has not left the Los Angeles County in his whole life. I want to make his first trip out of California memorable.
Is this what marriage is all about? Wanting to fulfill the dreams and aspirations of your spouse? Because that seems to be the only thing I want to do as of late. I'm not even sure if it's a selfless act, because his happiness makes me happy. Is love purely selfless? I would like to think so, because in a way, you are putting someone else and their well-being in front of yourself. Well, maybe not in "front" but really close.
I've always been one to see other people happy, but this is different; more intense. Our birthdays are about 11 days apart, and our biggest "argument" during that time is what we're allowed to spend on each other for our birthdays. Yes, it's a weird argument, but the discussion turns into an argument every time. We are so hellbent on doing something for the other, we tend to look over our own birthdays. Eventually it turns into a competition about who came up with the most thoughtful birthday gift for the other!
Marriage is such a balance of give and take, love and sacrifice, that it can get to be confusing, because in the process of you trying to make someone happy, you can neglect your own needs. Joe thinks that I put myself on the back burner in order to take care of him... I don't know if that's true, but I try really hard not to.
So my question is: Is love really a selfless act?
Until next time,
~Syx
Dear Jillian,
I don't know what's in the water these days, but everyone is having a kid! It's frustrating for me, because I never knew how bad I wanted one, until you were a possibility. Joe keeps telling me that it's not our time yet, and to be patient... but you have no idea how bad I am when it comes down to having patience. It feels like I'm waiting forever for something that should have just happened. I know that's why everyone assumed I got married for... I don't know, I just wish I was healthy enough to make having a kid a possibility. Although I have to admit that after talking with my mother-in-law, I got a little freaked out because pregnancy can be scary if you're not prepared for it. I don't know if I could ever be ready for that kind of change, but I would be willing to try; especially for Joe. He really wants to have a family of his own, and I want to give him that. Who knows what the future holds, right? I really wish you were here to fulfill that dream, but I guess I'll just keep dreaming until it's my time...
~Mommy
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Anywhere But Here...
You won't even believe this crazy story I have for you today...
I just wish that it was crazy in a good way, instead of... well just tell me your thoughts:
Lately I've been feeling lonely. I get bored easily with the mundane, and without me working or going to school, there's just not enough for me to do to fill the time that I don't use sleeping.
I don't like a lot of company, but when I want it, I want it.
I asked a friend of mine to come over Monday so we can work on some music together. But before he came over, I wanted to confirm with my mother that it was ok to have company.
She said that she really didn't want me to have company, and that I was having a lot of people come through the house lately. That was a complete fallacy because the only person I had over there came over on a Saturday, and the 2 times before that, I went to their house!
Anyway, I didn't see the big deal for two reasons:
1. She always makes statements about me walking alot on my feet, and how she "disapproves".
2.She sleeps during the daytime because she works at night!
In case inquiring minds were wondering, The music we were going to work on is electronic; there would be no noise because it's all coming through headphones!
I didn't feel like arguing, and at the time I wasn't really upset, so I decided that I was just going to cancel, and hang out over another friend's house.
Meanwhile, my sisters both stay home from school Monday, and they wanted to watch movies and lounge around the house.
I said "OK" but I still was going to go through with my plans with my other friends afterward.
The middle sister wanted me to stay and cancel on them, but I told her that I didn't want to do that because i wanted to get out of the house!
So basically she cops an attitude, and after she returns home, the movies we were going to watch were still on the counter; untouched.
So I didn't know what her plans were... was she going to still watch them? was she angry, so she was going to watch them later? So I didn't ask questions because after the attitude I basically didn't care.
She comes to my room a little while later, and asks was I still going to watch the movies? I said yes, and that she just needed to tell me when she was ready...
From there we argued about whether or not I should have known to immediately go into the living room to watch the movie!
Of course since we were both irritated I declined watching the movies, and just left for my friend's house earlier than planned.
I stayed there all afternoon and evening, and then they walked me back home around midnight.
No calls from anyone asking where i was, or anything. (Not that I cared)
My friends and I decided to get up super early to take care of business at the Social Services Department. Now I'm up at the crack of dawn on my mother's bike to get my life situated. As I was pedaling, one of the pedals came off the bike, and needed a nut to keep it in place! Imagine how frustrating it is to try to steer your bike with only one pedal!
I was closer to my friend's house than mine, so I went there because I knew that they had the tools I needed. Anyway because of unforeseen circumstances we didn't make it today.
So here's where the story changes.
My friend's mom receives a text from my aunt asking if I was there and that my family was "concerned" about me! Ha! (Remember, I didn't receive ANY calls from anyone in my family within the last 20 or so hours!
Come to find out through my family's superior gossip network line that I was thought to have never came home last night because they didn't see me when they went to bed or when they woke up!
Now I BLATANTLY left clues to mark my return home... For example:
1. My room was spotless when I left; I left my pjs on my bed and dirty socks on the floor.
2. There was a Diabetic Supplement drink in the fridge, so I drank it, and left the container on the clean counters (I'm the only diabetic in the house).
3. I took my mother's bike out of the garage.
And the most important clue of all:
4. I opened the side door for the dogs, cleaned up their poop, fed them and gave them water!
Now why didn't they figure out that I was there? There was no one else there but my sisters, and they know THEY didn't do that stuff... so who did????
I swear they don't think! Even "Blue's Clues" teach you to pay attention to your surroundings! lol
All-in-all it has been a very frustrating day for me! Unnecessary drama and assumptions because of lack of communication! Yeah, it was my fault too, but I'm not going to give out info just because... If you don't ask, I won't tell.
I'm officially too through, and need to get out of this binding situation fast...
I am closely approaching insanity, and need to fix this jumbled mess of a life and make a clear path for me, and me alone.
I'm tired of people interfering with my happiness. I deal with a lot of bull on a regular basis; I all want to achieve is independence and happiness... Is that too much to ask?
I just wish that it was crazy in a good way, instead of... well just tell me your thoughts:
Lately I've been feeling lonely. I get bored easily with the mundane, and without me working or going to school, there's just not enough for me to do to fill the time that I don't use sleeping.
I don't like a lot of company, but when I want it, I want it.
I asked a friend of mine to come over Monday so we can work on some music together. But before he came over, I wanted to confirm with my mother that it was ok to have company.
She said that she really didn't want me to have company, and that I was having a lot of people come through the house lately. That was a complete fallacy because the only person I had over there came over on a Saturday, and the 2 times before that, I went to their house!
Anyway, I didn't see the big deal for two reasons:
1. She always makes statements about me walking alot on my feet, and how she "disapproves".
2.She sleeps during the daytime because she works at night!
In case inquiring minds were wondering, The music we were going to work on is electronic; there would be no noise because it's all coming through headphones!
I didn't feel like arguing, and at the time I wasn't really upset, so I decided that I was just going to cancel, and hang out over another friend's house.
Meanwhile, my sisters both stay home from school Monday, and they wanted to watch movies and lounge around the house.
I said "OK" but I still was going to go through with my plans with my other friends afterward.
The middle sister wanted me to stay and cancel on them, but I told her that I didn't want to do that because i wanted to get out of the house!
So basically she cops an attitude, and after she returns home, the movies we were going to watch were still on the counter; untouched.
So I didn't know what her plans were... was she going to still watch them? was she angry, so she was going to watch them later? So I didn't ask questions because after the attitude I basically didn't care.
She comes to my room a little while later, and asks was I still going to watch the movies? I said yes, and that she just needed to tell me when she was ready...
From there we argued about whether or not I should have known to immediately go into the living room to watch the movie!
Of course since we were both irritated I declined watching the movies, and just left for my friend's house earlier than planned.
I stayed there all afternoon and evening, and then they walked me back home around midnight.
No calls from anyone asking where i was, or anything. (Not that I cared)
My friends and I decided to get up super early to take care of business at the Social Services Department. Now I'm up at the crack of dawn on my mother's bike to get my life situated. As I was pedaling, one of the pedals came off the bike, and needed a nut to keep it in place! Imagine how frustrating it is to try to steer your bike with only one pedal!
I was closer to my friend's house than mine, so I went there because I knew that they had the tools I needed. Anyway because of unforeseen circumstances we didn't make it today.
So here's where the story changes.
My friend's mom receives a text from my aunt asking if I was there and that my family was "concerned" about me! Ha! (Remember, I didn't receive ANY calls from anyone in my family within the last 20 or so hours!
Come to find out through my family's superior gossip network line that I was thought to have never came home last night because they didn't see me when they went to bed or when they woke up!
Now I BLATANTLY left clues to mark my return home... For example:
1. My room was spotless when I left; I left my pjs on my bed and dirty socks on the floor.
2. There was a Diabetic Supplement drink in the fridge, so I drank it, and left the container on the clean counters (I'm the only diabetic in the house).
3. I took my mother's bike out of the garage.
And the most important clue of all:
4. I opened the side door for the dogs, cleaned up their poop, fed them and gave them water!
Now why didn't they figure out that I was there? There was no one else there but my sisters, and they know THEY didn't do that stuff... so who did????
I swear they don't think! Even "Blue's Clues" teach you to pay attention to your surroundings! lol
All-in-all it has been a very frustrating day for me! Unnecessary drama and assumptions because of lack of communication! Yeah, it was my fault too, but I'm not going to give out info just because... If you don't ask, I won't tell.
I'm officially too through, and need to get out of this binding situation fast...
I am closely approaching insanity, and need to fix this jumbled mess of a life and make a clear path for me, and me alone.
I'm tired of people interfering with my happiness. I deal with a lot of bull on a regular basis; I all want to achieve is independence and happiness... Is that too much to ask?
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