New Series...

Hey readers!

I just wanted to check in for a bit, and let you know about a side project that is on my heart to complete...

I want to write about my experiences as a Type 1 Diabetic, and the complications that can arise from being bad at Managing it. I want to create Awareness about the seriousness of this particular version of this disease.

So, get ready for...

"I'm a Klutz, and I Know It..."

The Hilarious Confessions 

of a Bad Diabetic.

I know that you will support my endeavors of getting my very unique outlook of Type 1 Diabetes the recognition and seriousness that it deserves.

The complications that come with not taking care of yourself properly can have a devastating effect on your overall health.

And it's  more than just a physical complication, but a mental health issue as well.

Diabetes changes the chemicals in your brain over time. It's inevitable. However, with proper treatment of the disease, you can have a more active, stable life!

I, myself have several complications, and am now willing to share my experiences that can maybe change people's perspective on the disease itself.

Creating Awareness will help create Change!

I will still be writing other things, but health is important.

My daddy once told me, "If You Don't Have Your Health, You Don't Have Anything. "

It's absolutely true.

I thank God for His Grace and Mercy, and without Him, I wouldn't be here today.

All I ask is for your support by reading and sharing my story with as many people as possible.

I will update you about my upcoming project through my personal Facebook page, (Tenina Johnson-Urciaga) or my new Soundcloud page with my Husband, called "Gemineyez!" (More details to come).

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog.

I hope to inspire,  as you all have inspired me.

Until next time,
-Syx

Love is...

About 5 days ago, I went to the beach. We went to the Santa Monica Pier with my mother-in-law and Joe's step-dad. It was my second time in the beach water with Joe, and we had a lot of fun! I wasn't sure that he knew I could swim and he definitely didn't know I like to boogie board. He's pretty good himself.

At the beach I got to thinking about the trip I really want to take... Hawaii.

Joe has not left the Los Angeles County in his whole life. I want to make his first trip out of California memorable.
Is this what marriage is all about? Wanting to fulfill the dreams and aspirations of your spouse? Because that seems to be the only thing I want to do as of late. I'm not even sure if it's a selfless act, because his happiness makes me happy. Is love purely selfless?  I would like to think so, because in a way, you are putting someone else and their well-being in front of yourself. Well, maybe not in "front" but really close.

I've always been one to see other people happy, but this is different; more intense. Our birthdays are about 11 days apart, and our biggest "argument" during that time is what we're allowed to spend on each other for our birthdays. Yes, it's a weird argument, but the discussion turns into an argument every time.  We are so hellbent on doing something for the other, we tend to look over our own birthdays. Eventually it turns into a competition about who came up with the most thoughtful birthday gift for the other!

Marriage is such a balance of give and take, love and sacrifice, that it can get to be confusing, because in the process of you trying to make someone happy, you can neglect your own needs. Joe thinks that I put myself on the back burner in order to take care of  him...  I don't know if that's true, but I try really hard not to.

So my question is: Is love really a selfless act?

Until next time,

~Syx


Dear Jillian,
I don't know what's in the water these days, but everyone is having a kid! It's frustrating for me, because I never knew how bad I wanted one, until you were a possibility. Joe keeps telling me that it's not our time yet, and to be patient... but you have no idea how bad I am when it comes down to having patience. It feels like I'm waiting forever for something that should have just happened. I know that's why everyone assumed I got married for...  I don't know, I just wish I was healthy enough to make having a kid a possibility. Although I have to admit that after talking with my mother-in-law, I got a little freaked out because pregnancy can be scary if you're not prepared for it. I don't know if I could ever be ready for that kind of change, but I would be willing to try; especially for Joe. He really wants to have a family of his own, and I want to give him that. Who knows what the future holds, right? I really wish you were here to fulfill that dream, but I guess I'll just keep dreaming until it's my time...

~Mommy

So Ambitious...

Ambition. Success. What do you use to measure those attributes?

The definition of ambition is a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.  Desire and determination to achieve success.

I realize that I'm not ambitious because I lack drive and motivation. It sucks really, because I have a lot of ideas, and I'm not making moves to achieve them.

For example,  I've been sitting on this t-shirt idea for the last 4 years, and I still haven't produced one; even as a prototype.

I don't know why I lack drive. It seems like the last 3 years, I've been so focused on what's around me, that I haven't really taken the time to do anything with my life. It takes so much effort for me to do even the simplest of tasks.

Joe is always telling me to at least try at something. I honestly haven't been trying, but all that changes today.

To start off my day, I walked to the park this morning and exercised on the public equipment for 30 minutes! When I got home I took a nap...

Yeah, there was promise when I started, but it ended in a nap! lol

I would love to know what motivates others to do the exceptional...

Tomorrow I will go back to the park and exercise again. I want to keep at it until it becomes a routine, then I want to add other things to my day; like a music project, or cleaning up some of the video projects I have been sitting on for awhile.

I want to continue to enrich my life, to keep it from being so mundane... I just have trouble starting.

Well, that's all I have for you today...

Until next time.
 ~Syx

Dear Jillian
Joe told me he had a dream about having twins. I don't know if twins run on my side of the family, but it does on his. One of the projects I want to perfect is the song I did for you... it's just that it's so hard to bring myself to sing it again. I haven't touched my keyboard, and not singing the way I want to is starting to drive me crazy. Music is apart of me, and I'm missing out on being myself again. Moving forward is so much harder than I could have imagined, but I know I have to. I'm wondering what kind of toll this is taking on Joe as much as myself.  You would have been such an intricate part of our lives, and we would have loved and cherished every minute with you.  You would have been perfect.

-Mommy

Previously on Dot dOt doT...

...I'm back...

 Yeah, I know, I've been gone for an unforgivable amount of time this time; but I have things to write about now!
 So, where do I begin?
 I think that the best way to start this off, is to announce that I'm finally married!!!!
 For over a year now... We got married January 29, 2012, and boy has it been an interesting year and a half! Here are some of the topics that we went through:
 -SSI
-Jobs
-Friends
-Guns
-Smoking
-Fights
 -Drinking
-Smoking
-Babies!
 -House Hunting
-Motels
-Marital issues
 and much more!

 I realize that it's almost been 3 years, but there was a lot of growing up for me to do, and still a lot left... but I feel that I've matured enough to at least write about what I learned, and hopefully share a few moments of wisdom, laughter, joy, tears, and insight on a slightly charmed, always blessed, mostly truthful Gemini mind.
 I also want to start sharing shirt ideas with you! And who knows, maybe a few other creative things. I don't want to limit myself to one area; I'm willing to try it all!

 "Normalcy, complacency, and simplicity is for people who can't imagine anything better." -Joseph Urciaga 

Dear Jillian,
 This is my first attempt at writing to you. It's hard to know that you won't ever be able to read this, but this is my version of therapy. I thought of you today. I didn't know if I felt sad or lost, but it kind of put me in a trance. I wonder what it would be like if you were here. How would my mornings go? How would I entertain you? How much would my life change because you were in it? As much as it makes me sad to think of you, it also gives me peace. Now if only it would give me direction... I love you.
-Mommy

Life, Love and Lyrics...

My favorite days in October are as follows:

October 17: My first Tegan and Sara concert (in 2008)
October 18: Robyn's birthday
October 27: Meeting Tegan and Sara in person (in 2009)
October 28: Me and Joseph becoming an official couple!!!


I'm still in shock!
It started off as an elaborate joke for my cousin, and now it's real, and craziest of all, WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!


Seems sudden, right? Wrong! Besides the song angel from my voice class, this has been the longest pursuit I have ever had.

I've known Joe for 2 years now, and I've always liked him because he breaks the mold in originality for me.
He only tries to be himself, and nothing more. He's also very opinionated and extremely sarcastic... like me!

It's funny because even though I've tried on more than one occasion to be acknowledged and seen by him, he only noticed me when I was myself, and all my insecurities were in the open.

Now that I'm with him, I couldn't possibly see how my life would be without him. I love him so much, I have considered the impossible... kids!

I know, right?

But he would make a great dad, and I would want to give him the family he always wanted.

I've always heard that opposites attract, but he is completely different from the type of guy I saw myself with.

He's shorter than me, he's 3 years younger than me, and he has no musical talents whatsoever, but when he sings to me I fall for him all over again!


Yes, I am in love, and it's literally making me go crazy, because for the last 3 weeks I haven't been able to function without him.


I also love his family like they were my own. His 2 brothers, mom and stepdad are everything to me... especially his mom.

He makes me want to sing every love song at once.


Here are some of my favorite music quotes that has to do with love:


"My heart's beating, can't you hear it? If I'm the music, you're my lyrics." ~J. Holiday Be With Me

"And when I hear you on the radio, I'd never wanna change a single note
It's what I tried to say all along, You're my favorite song" ~Demi Lovato You're My Favorite Song

"Baby you and me we're just so good together, look at how we harmonize. [Boy] we're like the perfect melody that keeps getting better, we can stand the test of time." ~Musiq Greatestlove


Just a few for now...

I need to concentrate in my class right now, but I knew I couldn't until I shared this feeling!

Later!

Anywhere But Here...

You won't even believe this crazy story I have for you today...
I just wish that it was crazy in a good way, instead of... well just tell me your thoughts:


Lately I've been feeling lonely. I get bored easily with the mundane, and without me working or going to school, there's just not enough for me to do to fill the time that I don't use sleeping.

I don't like a lot of company, but when I want it, I want it.
I asked a friend of mine to come over Monday so we can work on some music together. But before he came over, I wanted to confirm with my mother that it was ok to have company.

She said that she really didn't want me to have company, and that I was having a lot of people come through the house lately. That was a complete fallacy because the only person I had over there came over on a Saturday, and the 2 times before that, I went to their house!

Anyway, I didn't see the big deal for two reasons:
1. She always makes statements about me walking alot on my feet, and how she "disapproves".
2.She sleeps during the daytime because she works at night!

In case inquiring minds were wondering, The music we were going to work on is electronic; there would be no noise because it's all coming through headphones!

I didn't feel like arguing, and at the time I wasn't really upset, so I decided that I was just going to cancel, and hang out over another friend's house.

Meanwhile, my sisters both stay home from school Monday, and they wanted to watch movies and lounge around the house.

I said "OK" but I still was going to go through with my plans with my other friends afterward.

The middle sister wanted me to stay and cancel on them, but I told her that I didn't want to do that because i wanted to get out of the house!

So basically she cops an attitude, and after she returns home, the movies we were going to watch were still on the counter; untouched.

So I didn't know what her plans were... was she going to still watch them? was she angry, so she was going to watch them later? So I didn't ask questions because after the attitude I basically didn't care.

She comes to my room a little while later, and asks was I still going to watch the movies? I said yes, and that she just needed to tell me when she was ready...

From there we argued about whether or not I should have known to immediately go into the living room to watch the movie!

Of course since we were both irritated I declined watching the movies, and just left for my friend's house earlier than planned.

I stayed there all afternoon and evening, and then they walked me back home around midnight.

No calls from anyone asking where i was, or anything. (Not that I cared)

My friends and I decided to get up super early to take care of business at the Social Services Department. Now I'm up at the crack of dawn on my mother's bike to get my life situated. As I was pedaling, one of the pedals came off the bike, and needed a nut to keep it in place! Imagine how frustrating it is to try to steer your bike with only one pedal!



I was closer to my friend's house than mine, so I went there because I knew that they had the tools I needed. Anyway because of unforeseen circumstances we didn't make it today.

So here's where the story changes.

My friend's mom receives a text from my aunt asking if I was there and that my family was "concerned" about me! Ha! (Remember, I didn't receive ANY calls from anyone in my family within the last 20 or so hours!


Come to find out through my family's superior gossip network line that I was thought to have never came home last night because they didn't see me when they went to bed or when they woke up!

Now I BLATANTLY left clues to mark my return home... For example:

1. My room was spotless when I left; I left my pjs on my bed and dirty socks on the floor.

2. There was a Diabetic Supplement drink in the fridge, so I drank it, and left the container on the clean counters (I'm the only diabetic in the house).

3. I took my mother's bike out of the garage.

And the most important clue of all:

4. I opened the side door for the dogs, cleaned up their poop, fed them and gave them water!


Now why didn't they figure out that I was there? There was no one else there but my sisters, and they know THEY didn't do that stuff... so who did????


I swear they don't think! Even "Blue's Clues" teach you to pay attention to your surroundings! lol

All-in-all it has been a very frustrating day for me! Unnecessary drama and assumptions because of lack of communication! Yeah, it was my fault too, but I'm not going to give out info just because... If you don't ask, I won't tell.


I'm officially too through, and need to get out of this binding situation fast...
I am closely approaching insanity, and need to fix this jumbled mess of a life and make a clear path for me, and me alone.

I'm tired of people interfering with my happiness. I deal with a lot of bull on a regular basis; I all want to achieve is independence and happiness... Is that too much to ask?

If I've Said It Once...

Not even 24 hours later, and I'm back again!

Today I'm not feeling too well. I have been without my Humira for months now, and that medication helps control my Psoriasis outbreaks. I've been without medical insurance since June, and just a few days ago I got it reinstated!

Yesterday I picked up my Humira prescription, and since it's been outta my system for months, it was like taking it for the first time... and the first time made me feel horrible.


Anyway, I've been in my room all day. I was laying down until about 1:30pm, and ever since then, I've been on the internet (Facebook & Neopets).

I'm not in a great mood; in fact I'm pretty much still peeved about last night's events. Considering my sister was the one that informed my mother of my transportation decisions, I don't even want to look at her, let alone talk to her.

I've already made up my mind. I'm getting her back... oh am I getting her back.


So the story now picks up where both of the sisters are home from school, and I'm still in my room, keeping to myself. The youngest one knocks on my door and asks me if I have MY Wii game in my possession because the revengee wants to play it.

Here's why I'm annoyed:


If it belongs to me, and me alone, then I keep it in my possession... I don't like people touching, breathing, looking, and using my stuff without my permission.

Her purpose for coming into the room was to see if I would let her borrow the game; however she should have just gotten to the point. I'm not interested in making small talk today. I just really want to be left alone.

And since the living room is a common "free-for-all" area, I don't keep my stuff in there.

Yes, I am a control freak when it comes to my stuff! Since I can't control anything else (including my actions, and reactions to others) then I got to be able to control something.

It's not that I don't like sharing, it's just that I would rather people ask BEFORE borrowing my items.


It is 82 degrees in my room right now, and I desperately want to get out, but considering how I feel today, it's not even worth the risk of being stressed or the arguments that may break out!


That's all I wanted to say...