Dear Reader...

Okay, so it's been a few days, and I really meant to post something Tuesday night, but it wasn't the right time for me... IN other words, something went down and I wasn't in the mood to blog!! lol


Before I get into today's topic, I would like to make a few things very clear to you, the reader.

Let's list them (I like lists!!)

1. Reading this blog is optional; you won't hurt my feelings if you don't read it!

2. A blog is basically an online journal. So that means that the material written is subjective to the writer. It's not supposed to be fair!! lol

3. This blog is for venting purposes... I, as well as everyone else in the world, want to be heard. And since vocalizing my thoughts aren't well received, then this is the next best thing... either this or pulling a Columbine. Your choice.

Somewhat kidding about the Columbine thing.

I don't know what was to be expected from all this, (from the reader's POV), but this blog isn't really for you... it's for me. And however I choose to write it is my business. I'm protected under law by the 1st Amendment.

Also, the tone of this blog is sadistic and sarcastic, with a tiny bit of hope lying in the background. It will become more positive as the situations change; but as I stated before, that doesn't happen over night, and I have a lot on my plate to deal with.

So my best advice to you, the reader, is to not read it if you find it offensive!!!


Okay, moving on!
lol
The real topic of the day was thought processing.

I was wondering how everyone else process information.
I tend to process before I decide to do things, and just to be on the safe side, I'll have a backup plan.

But that is basic processing. I really want to know how different the thoughts you think are from what you actually say. Sometimes meanings can get lost in translation. Not often do people say exactly what they mean.

If the thought is negative, we as humans try to spare feelings by watering down the actual thought. Which can be bad if you lose your cool, because that's when your real thoughts come out.

Other people say things that they know will hurt you because they know your sensitivity level. They may not mean them, but they know it will get to you.

I personally do both, but not in the way you would expect.

I say things that I know will hurt you, but on one level or another, I mean them.

Which is probably why I have a problem believing that people only say "mean" things out of anger.

I say them when I'm angry, but I was thinking it all the time. I can't hardly think of a time where I said something out of anger, and didn't mean it.

That's super bad, right? I know. So the issue is not just controlling my anger, but controlling my thoughts.

Although the last couple of months I haven't been as angry as I was at the start of Fall to the end of November, I still had my stumbling moments.

9 times out of 10 they would've been prevented if I just followed my instincts and acted accordingly. Yeah, they would've caused some personal inconveniences, but who cares if I'm at peace?


Wednesday, I rediscovered the joy of walking. For the first time I realized that it the walking I enjoyed so much, it's the freedom of it, and more importantly it gives me the chance to connect to music the way I like. I don't even know how to explain it, but I love listening to music so much more when I'm by myself because I can really get into it the way I like to. Walking is only an inconvenience because of the problems I have with diabetic foot ulcers.


It's hard to be fiercely independent when your health is out of whack. I'm working on that as well...

Okay, so much for this blog. I'll write a little later; my mind is cluttered, and I need time to sort some things out!

Thanks for reading!